you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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