You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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