please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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