I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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