it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
