The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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