I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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