Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize