Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
