it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
