I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
