matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
