how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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