I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Quick, to the slutcave!
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Green mimosas i think yes
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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