I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
