Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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