I can feel you judging me through the phone.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
