Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You can't just leave with hair like that
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize