i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
