Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
