whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
