watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
