he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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