Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
