life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
