i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
hell yes lets make some ravioli
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
