Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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