The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize