i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
