dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Let's paint friendship bongs
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
