My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
