He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
