i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Is Oprah even human
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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