So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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