garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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