The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
