sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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