i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize