Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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