I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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