Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
