I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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