Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We left an ass print on the piano.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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