you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
