Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
