I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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