eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
