So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
