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Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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