just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
