can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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