It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
