he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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