I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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