I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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