he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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