If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
