Porn is love you can see.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
