but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
im calling her cock vulture from now on
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize