i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
