We're facebook friends in real life
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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