Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
