I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He better not be in your backpack
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
