john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
