My girlfriend figured out who you are.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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