Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
she told me i tasted like america
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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