you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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