oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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