ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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