Only a mothe r could love this liver
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
