ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Who died my cat blue again?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
